Gaze on Oblivion
by AshtakRa
Summary: Being two sides of the same coin means they can never look at the same place, without consequences. Arthur/Merlin slash.


**Title:** Balance the Precipice  
**Pairing:** Merlin/Arthur  
**Rating:** MA  
**Warning:** Dark themes, character death  
**Summary:** Arthur. The Crown Prince of Camelot and destined to be the once and future King – but was it always meant to be? .

Market Square, Camelot

Morgana leaned down to speak with Merlin, not something she'd normally have to do but with his head in the stocks again she would be talking to his back if she didn't bend – even if it wasn't the most lady-like of poses. Avoiding a particularly nasty bunch of slimy lettuce she spared a glare for the child that threw it. The look, added with the danger of hitting 'her lady' with rotten produce scared away any further missiles.

"Merlin, I have seen it – Arthur's life is in danger."

A sigh. "His life is always in danger, its what keeps us all awake at night – well not you since by sleeping you can actually help… not that I'm saying – oh sod it!" He hung his head, obviously realising he could not improve his argument. Morgana was a little surprised. Often Merlin was more animated and dare she think it, happy when on the stocks. It was if he got some kind of perverse enjoyment when people were throwing rotten foodstuff at him.

But not today; his eyes were downcast and his lips drooped down in what she could only surmise was some kind of foul mood. Merlin and bad mood just did not fit and for a moment she almost asked what was wrong, before she remembered why she was here.

"I know," she agreed. It was true that they did all spend an inordinate amount of time keeping the young Prince alive, but then it was because he was the heir that made him a target. "But Merlin this time it is a very strong telling, I have had one like this before and I-." she had to stop and compose herself, especially as they were in view of the entire market; thankfully none could hear them though.

"The last time I felt this way there was a very definite choice of life or death. Most times I see futures where a variety of choices can alter fate – but with this it will be a stark decision and the wrong one will cost Arthur his life."

The lack of response from Merlin made Morgana squat down to see his eyes, most inappropriate but she was beyond caring at the moment. "Merlin?"

"Yes," he hissed then seemed to collect himself. "Sorry, yes my Lady. Arthur, death, almost certain unless we, probably me, do something."

She risked cupping his jaw to force him to look at her. Whatever bothered him still lingered, she could see it in his eyes and in the way he held his mouth – almost as if he was trying not to cry. Knowing he needed to talk but realising this was not the time or place she could only smile reassuringly and nodded at the guard across the square. The man rushed up quickly and with a wave of her hand he asked no questions as he released the lock and Merlin stood with Morgana's help.

Together they walked to her quarters, Merlin did not question their direction once and said nothing as she closed the doors and led him to the chair.

"Merlin?"

He looked at her then and she sensed such pain and, if she was right, betrayal.

"What happened?"

He made a small wave in one direction, which Morgana rightly supposed meant Arthur's room, and therefore Arthur.

"He didn't ask, normally he asks."

"What!" A myriad of thoughts went through her mind and it must have showed on her face because Merlin blanched and shook his head.

"No, not that! I mean… oh Gods – all I meant was he usually asks for me to cover for him – but this time," he shrugged. "I guess its just expected, I mean I've done it so many times maybe he thinks a request isn't needed."

"Oh," she answered and tried to cover up her earlier thoughts by smoothing down her dress. Merlin must have sensed her discomfort because he finally smiled, it didn't quite reach his eyes but it at least it was a start. Morgana continued, "Well that was wrong of him, I am sure you know that no-one can order someone to lie to the King, not even Arthur."

"I know," whispered Merlin softly. "But Arthur knows I would, regardless of the consequences – but not being asked, it made me feel…" he sighed and laughed. "It made me feel like a servant, stupid – since that's exactly what I am."

Morgana sat next to him and began plucking out pieces of what must have been week old beans. "Perhaps that is the relationship that was intended – but even from the start I would say that you and Arthur are not simply master and servant." She paused and was unsure how to continue on this path without betraying confidences of her own. "Arthur can be… unthinkingly cruel, especially with those closest to him – it is the result of having a father like Uther."

"I suppose," Merlin finally pulled away from Morgana and moved to a wash pan, running some water over his head even though it must have been ice-cold. "So do you know how and when his life will be in peril, do we have time?"

Morgana smiled, Merlin was far from settled from whatever advantage Arthur had taken but his healing had begun. It was, Morgana realised, something that the so called nobility was poorly lacking – the ability to move on and not hold a grudge.

"There will be laughter and the sound of drums. The guards will be distracted and an assassin will strike – I see blood and shock on the faces of the King and… and myself."

Merlin paused with his hair still quite wet. "So it will need to be at some royal function – an event that requires your presence and by the sound of it, the entire court. A happy event, with drums as entertainment." He put a finger to chin in deep thought and Morgana had to hold her mirth; with hair dripping and bits of rotten fruit on his blue shirt Merlin looked utterly ridiculous trying to appear scholarly yet at the same time so endearing.

She could see why Arthur loved him - if only Arthur knew how to show that love in a way that didn't hurt or scar.

"Do we know if this is soon?"

Morgana shook her head sadly. "There is no way to know – except by the sounds and the sight, but I fear by then it may be too late."

A different expression of determination came upon Merlin's face. "The instant you suspect the moment is upon us let me know; regardless of the consequences I will stop it…" a sadness came upon him and it was all Morgana could do not to hug him. "It is," he whispered, "My destiny."

_A month later:_

The Caves of Ghurloi'n

His fellow Knight hit the wall with a dull thump and fell at Arthur's feet, the angle of his head showing that his was a quick death. The beast turned its eyes on the survivors, hunger in its eyes and Arthur did not hesitate.

"Merlin! Get Gwen out of here." As Arthur brought his sword up against his shield in a move that was so practiced it required little conscious thought he smiled for a moment as his manservant obeyed… for once without question.

It would be so like Merlin to argue in the midst of mortal danger.

Thoughts of a wilfully disobedient servant were pushed aside as the giant lizard with fangs the size of Uther's throne snapped at the place Arthur had been but a moment before. He struck back and cursed as the sword bounced off the thick hide – it would require more than simple steel to kill this creature.

Using shield and sword Arthur worked his way inside the beast's killing range and tried to stab an eye, hoping to disable it enough to get away and regroup. The lizard was too quick and swung its head, knocking sword aside and in the process sending Arthur flying across the cave. He landed better than the dead Knight but it was heavy enough to knock the wind out of him as he desperately tried to stand but failed.

From the wind on his back Arthur knew he was by the entrance and he grimaced as the beast moved towards him; _so near and yet so far_ as his boyhood instructor had been fond of saying. Trying to gain a breath to at least yell a last curse of defiance Arthur instead felt more than saw an arm wrap around his waist and pull him swiftly out of the way. A murmur near his ear was drowned out by the roar of the creature and the sudden cracking of the cave ceiling. Just as they cleared the entrance the cave collapsed and the lizard's call was suddenly cut off.

As the dust and dirt cleared Arthur looked down and was unsurprised to see the arm belonged to Merlin and was still attached; little choice since the Prince was basically lying atop his servant and said servant could not move if he tried. Much as Arthur wanted to it was difficult; the death of the beast meant it was the first time he could relax in the last few hours, and scrawny as Merlin was he was infinitely more comfortable than the hard ground.

A muffled protest made him finally roll off but his legs were still too shaky to stand so Arthur lay and looked into the eyes of Merlin, that for a split moment seemed not their usual blue but somewhat golden.

"Thanks," he finally murmured.

"Sorry _Sire_, didn't quite catch that?" Merlin's grin was matched only by the impertinent tone of his voice and Arthur scowled. How was it that he was encumbered by someone who, while able to save his life now and again, was the most insubordinate, lazy and un-coordinated person Arthur had ever met?

What vexed him further was not wanting to trade Merlin for anyone – nor change him. Merlin without that idiotically self-satisfied smile would not be half as… dare he say cute? Such thoughts were not only un-Princely when thinking of one's servant, they were inconsiderate when Gwen was leaning against a tree and in some obvious distress, Arthur shook his head and took stock of their situation.

The creature was, if not dead, then contained. They were alive, well some of them; and the local farmers would be safe to work their fields again.

He cuffed Merlin's head, not worried since the hair on that boy's head couldn't get any more out of place. "I said _thanks_ Merlin, but then I may take it back since as always you were late – that cave-in could of killed me, come to think of it the timing was rather convenient don't you think?"

Merlin's expression looked entirely too perplexed for a moment before he mumbled something about Sir Henry's fall probably weakening the rock wall. Arthur was not entirely convinced but what other explanation could there be? He had his suspicions but there more important things – like Gwen.

Shuffling over Arthur took her shaking hands and made the appropriate comforting words and put another arm around her shoulders. Either forgetting it was the Prince beside her or feeling comfortable enough to touch him so intimately Gwen buried her head in his chest and sobbed quietly. He let her and said nothing; letting her cry out the fear and grief. It was probably more grief as it had been noticeable that the young Sir Henry had been quite protective of Gwen, more so than just Knight and maiden without a deeper relationship being implied.

Only when he noticed Merlin still lying down did Arthur lift Gwen's head, kiss her tenderly on the temple and let her sit back against the tree. The kiss was more friend than anything and it briefly crossed Arthur's mind to try and place when such closeness between them had occurred.

"Merlin!"

A head covered in ruffled black hair peered at him and Arthur scowled. How dare Merlin look so exhausted, as if he had done anything more than run and drag people around?

"If you have the time to get the horses ready that would be ever so kind of you, I would so much prefer getting back to Camelot by nightfall." He tried to phrase it as a sarcastic order but somehow Merlin just smiled and nodded; once again turning the tables as if Arthur had indeed made a reasonable request of a friend.

As Merlin stood and got the horses Arthur wondered how his father did it? No servant or indeed courtier would ever treat him with such… equitability – and get away with it.

But what could he do? It _was_ Merlin and if Arthur was truly honest with himself, as he usually could be after facing death, it was hard not to fall just a little bit in love with the guy.

Camelot

Northern Gate

Morgana waited patiently by Uther's side, the watch had signalled that the Prince was returning. Of course patiently meant she held the King's hand so tight he had winced more than once but it seems this time he understood. Arthur had been gone almost a week with no word. Add to that Merlin and Gwen were with him, along with two knights and the weight of the Kingdom on their shoulders. If the beast could not be stopped the harvest would be ruined while still in the fields and Camelot would face rationing. Rationing would lead to higher crime, which would force a crack down on law and order and that would lead to more people joining rebellious forces. Uther had explained it so much better but Morgana tried to keep it simple in her head.

They had already started restricting the sale of wheat and that had almost caused a riot. Upon the call that the Prince was returning Uther had decided to greet him personally, remind their people that while Arthur had saved them he _was_ Uther's son. Uther rarely did something without a hidden agenda and Morgana was not sure if she hated him for it or owed him respect, perhaps a little of both.

Arthur, next to Merlin and Gwen, rode through the gate. There were smiles on their faces and Arthur was laughing, clapping Merlin warmly on the shoulder. Morgana smiled at this, and also that they were alive. The word had been there was only three riders and she feared who was lost and while she would still mourn the knights it was not entirely unselfish to be pleased it was not her dearest friends. Gwen smiled back demurely as befit her station but Merlin in his usual oblivious way gave a toothy grin and waved.

A grunt beside her joined by a muffled 'idiot' told Morgana what Uther thought of Arthur's manservant. She decided not to mention that Uther's punishments had softened the more he got to know Merlin, so much so that it was rare to see him in the stocks at all anymore. Perhaps Merlin had grown on the king but more likely Uther recognised the change in Arthur and was observant enough to guess at its source. Not that he would ever admit it and Morgana understood that, for the most part.

"Guinevere, Merlin," she nodded as they rode past and dismounted, each giving a small bow to the king. Perhaps he would have demanded more but his eyes were on the next rider as Prince Arthur jumped down and walked his horse the few remaining yards to his father.

As Morgana stepped back she watched father and son embrace and her heart softened somewhat for Uther; this was not for any ulterior motive – he had truly been concerned for Arthur and was pleased more than anyone by his return.

Arthur let his arms fall but Uther kept one around his shoulder and turned to the gathering crowd.

"Prince Arthur has returned!" he announced. "And with it the peace and prosperity of the -." Uther frowned, his speech was interrupted by loud banging as a carpenter thumped away one street over. The poor soul was probably unaware of the King's impromptu audience and Morgana feared how Uther would react.

With surprise she saw the King smile and wave the guards back from running towards the perpetrator. "Perhaps not the peace then," he said loud enough for the few of them to hear as the banging continued. It was not that humorous but probably due to the recent battle Arthur needed a release and he let go a loud laugh, one which Uther joined quickly.

Morgana's smile at the special moment between father and son froze as the events fell into place.

The hammering – which sounded like a drum.

The loud laughter.

The guards indecisive about what to do.

The three of them here – together.

She spun around. "Merlin!"

Her urgency was immediately apparent to Merlin and he made a step towards Arthur, as if to somehow shield him, but the distance was too far; he started to raise his hand and Morgana saw his eyes flash gold.

Too late she heard a dull thump behind her and the laughter ceased abruptly.

Everything happened in a blur. Arthur collapsed, a cross-bow bolt sticking out from his chest. Uther tried to hold him up while shielding him at the same time. Guards rushed forward and shouts were made for reinforcements.

Then it seemed to slow as Morgana watched Uther suddenly realise Merlin's posture – his hand outstretched as if throwing something and his eyes a magical golden hue.

"You!" growled the King and his face screwed up in rage. "Sieze him!" Uther shouted, indicating Merlin.

"No!" Morgana tried to intervene but was pushed aside by a pikeman.

The other soldiers had hesitated, not sure if Uther really meant Merlin – and it was all Merlin needed. His hand changed position and he swept it around. Every guard was pushed back and they seemed stuck in place, held by nothing but air. Uther cursed and drew his sword, still holding Arthur but keeping the tip in Merlin's direction.

"Traitor," spat the King. "Do not think you will get past me – you will burn a slow death, I will see your family strung up; I will not rest until -."

The sword and Uther went flying to the side as Merlin rushed in to grab Arthur. Merlin did not spare the King another look, he had eyes only for the Prince.

Morgana ran forward too, managing to stop Arthur from falling back and she held him up while Merlin desperately tried to plug the wound. Blood was seeping from where the bolt had entered through cloth and leather – this close to the city Arthur did nor have armour on, not that it would have stopped a cross-bow.

"Arthur," choked Merlin, tears in his eyes. His face betrayed the emotions Morgana was feeling but was too shocked to show. They had failed him – they had been too slow.

From the other side Gwen used a cloth to also stem the blood and she too, with tears in her eyes, had the expression of someone who could not believe what she was seeing.

"It cannot end this way," whispered Merlin and at that moment he looked directly into Morgana's eyes and she felt a ripple of his power roll over her. It was not a surprise but the texture of it was – she had been around magic before and had never sensed anything so powerful. His eyes literally glowed and she felt as if part of her was being drawn in, pulled like some invisible force had reached inside her chest and clasped her by the heart.

She realised what he was doing; he needed every bit of power there was and he was drawing on hers - she stopped fighting and gave it to him. Merlin smiled ever so slightly and in a voice only she could hear he said, "_Look after him Morgana – he will need you more than ever in the coming days_."

Somehow she knew what he was planning and she whispered a "No Merlin," but it was all she could manage; Merlin had her in thrall and she was unable to move.

"It will _not_ end this way," Merlin said aloud more forcefully.

He grabbed Arthur's hand and tore off the glove, slipping his own hand to grasp the Prince's bare flesh firmly. "Arthur, listen to me."

Arthur, still conscious but in great pain rolled his eyes but somehow focused on his friend. He smiled then, as if the pain had suddenly receded and it was only the two of them. "Merlin." In all her time Morgana had never heard Arthur say Merlin's name with such heartfelt meaning. "Your hand feels nice, warm." His normally white teeth were stained with pink blood and Morgana had been around enough soldiers to know the importance of that… his lung was punctured.

"Arthur," intoned Merlin, his voice becoming that of a teacher to student rather than servant to master or even friend to friend. "I need you to concentrate on my voice – block out everything but the sound of my voice."

In the beginnings of some kind of trance Arthur nodded slowly, the blood now trickling from his lips but he seemed unaware of it. Holding Arthur's hand in a vice-like grip Merlin started mumbling words, incomprehensible to Morgana but she recognised them as very old – ancient. They held such power and pushed all other sounds away.

The market, the cries for help and the clunking sound of more soldiers arriving – all of this faded away as Merlin continued. His voice rose in cadence and become more tuned, song-like and Morgana could not help but wonder if he could sing like this normally. As she watched Arthur's eyes widened slightly as he felt the power flowing from Merlin and into him.

"You can do it Merlin," whispered Gwen. "You can heal him." Her face was so full of hope, so trusting in the man that Morgana knew she secretly loved. Morgana wanted to scream out, to tell Gwen that Merlin was _not_ healing Arthur.

What he was doing had not been done in any myth or story but Morgana had known the instant she gave him her power. The world around them slowed to a crawl and even the slight wind around them seemed to trickle across like a slow moving snail. Morgana could even imagine, connected as she was, the heartbeats of Merlin, Arthur and herself. Hers remained fast and strong but both Arthur's and Merlin's became the same and slowed, getting weaker every moment.

A shadow moved above Merlin and Morgana looked up; it was Uther, sword in hand and preparing to strike Merlin. Her lips could not form words and she knew that they would be useless anyway.

The world suddenly went a blinding white and she feinted away.

Camelot

Inside the Northern Gate

Staring into those golden glowing eyes Arthur had never realised what it was to trust in someone so completely and utterly. Merlin would save him, of course he would. Hadn't he always and had not Arthur done the same?

This boy, this man that had become such an integral part of his life that it was hard to remember a time before nor life without the dark haired clumsy and smart-mouthed person that had captured not just his heart but he was fairly sure a part of his soul. Of course, being himself Arthur had not fully grasped this until the bolt had punctured his chest and he felt life slipping away.

"Merlin." He tried so hard to convey all that he was feeling and all he wanted to say in that one name. A slight twitch at the corner of Merlin's mouth let him know that he had been somewhat successful. Arthur could feel Merlin's hand, so different to his own but strong and calloused, a workers hand. "Your hand feels nice, warm."

"Arthur, I need you to concentrate on my voice – block out everything but the sound of my voice."

Easy, thought Arthur. Listening to Merlin had become second nature. The way he always made 'sire' sound like a curse in private but so formal in public. The way he said 'Arthur' when they were alone at night, letting the Prince know that he was talking with a friend and not a servant. At those times Arthur could tell Merlin anything, well almost anything; his fears, hopes – his anger at Uther and his sorrow at never knowing his mother.

Merlin's footsteps, light but never soundless. His breathing, especially when asleep – how had Arthur never truly wondered why he would listen to Merlin sleeping? Merlin's laugh – the memory of that made Arthur smile a little more as he listened to the gentle ballad Merlin was singing. He did not understand a single word but Merlin had said listen, so listen he would.

Merlin's eyes now blazed gold and were shot through with slivers of purple and azure blue. Eyes so beautiful Arthur knew they were the first thing he had noticed – that and those damnable funny looking ears. Those eyes were drawing him in, everything else was a blur and Merlin became his entire world.

He could hear, along with Merlin's voice, two thump-thumps – and a distant third. He concentrated on the two and noticed they were synchronised. Their hearts, joined as one – it was poetic thought Arthur, it was right.

It was fate.

_Two halves of the same coin _whispered Merlin's voice in his head.

_I never truly understood that meaning until today_

_You are a prat and a royal one_

_But…_

_I love you Arthur Pendragon_

Arthur wanted to respond, to say the same but he could not move. His body, his will and his very soul were being consumed by those fiery eyes. He was lost to them and the entirety of his existence became, for just that split moment, shared - he was Merlin and Merlin was him. Then, like boats in the river they passed by and he was himself again.

Whole, able to move and feel and talk.

Able to see. A shadow fell across him and he automatically looked up to find Uther with sword raised – the sword cluttered to the ground as Uther recognised him and Arthur, was for one blessed moment, confused.

Then, it all made sense and he spun around to see the body beneath him, his hand clasped firmly in the other.

There was screaming and shouting and Arthur realised as he looked through salty tears at Merlin lying with blood on his mouth and a bolt in his chest;

_that all those screams were his own_.

The end?


End file.
